I have been home for about a month now. It was a really hard adjustment to make. I know in my heart I am supposed to be a missionary. But where and when is what I am praying about. I loved the being at YWAM Atlanta so much. The people and ministry that they are doing there is so amazing and of God totally. I just was so restless there and very unsure if I was supposed to be there. I wanted to be there one minute and the next I was so unsure. I wasn’t sure if I was where God wanted me to be. So after talking to the leaders I decided it would be best if I went home for now. It was an extremely difficult decision to make and was NOT easy for me to leave.
It's a big adjustment being back home. I want to be back out on the mission field so bad. But I know God has a plan and I just have wait for the green light to go. I am learning to be patient on hearing from God. More then one person has told me that "just because God is not doing in it your timing doesn't mean he is not going to do it". So I am trying my hardest to be patient, listen and rest in him. That is all I can do at this point. He is a good God and will take care of me. I just need to let him and not hold on so tight.
I now have been blessed a part time job and I really like it a lot. But I also still want to be doing something with ministry! So while I am home I decided why not get involved with things at my church. I now help out on Wednesdays at my church with a program called GEMS. It's a program for young girls to come and have fun learning about Jesus. I am also working with two other girls to try and get a young adults group up and going at the church. There really isn't anything going on for young adults around here....so we are trying to get that up a going. God is just speaking to me to be servant where I am at. I don't HAVE to be on the mission field to to that, even if I am called to be a missionary doesn't mean it will happen RIGHT now. It's all in God's timing, and his timing is perfect!!!
One thing that I love is the fact that I am still able to grow and have the deep relationship with the Lord at home. I feel like I am growing so much still and that God is opening my eyes up to new things. I am able to love my family with a new and true love from God that I didn't have for them before. God has healed from some much in this past year that I sometimes will do things and be SHOCKED because the girl a year ago would have never had that courage. I mean I am still the same girl at heart, just knowing the authority I have in Christ and standing up and using it is something new for me. God has given me a gift that normal everyday people might think is crazy or "Out there" but I know beyond a doubt that it is from God and is to be used for God's glory!
I am enjoying being home for now and I am going to just treasure this time I have while I am here. (even if it was a hard adjustment to make at first) But I also look forward to where ever God may lead me in the future! He is such a faithful, loving God and when we just let go and trust him life gets a little easier and a little scarier. Having control of my life is something I am learning is not for me to have but to give it to God and trust him with everything. I am just so thankful to be serving such an amazing God, and that I can have a personal relationship with him!
Thanks for taking the time to read this. God Bless you all.
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