When I found out I was pregnant I was so excited. Since I had so much babysitter and nanny experience I thought this is going to be a piece of cake. HAHA oh boy was I kidding myself. Wow I was in for a HUGE wake up call.
Being a mommy 24/7 is WAY harder then being a nanny. With my job I got to give the child back at the end of the day. With having my own baby there is no giving them back to anyone. You're the one everyone else gives them back to...lol!
The first night home was the hardest night of my life. He was so tiny and dependent on my husband and I! I was so clueless and had no idea what I was doing. Both my husband and I had not slept in about 3 days and I was still healing for just having him the day before. We were exhausted and had a screaming baby on our hands. There was no calming him down, I was crying, the baby was crying and my husband was frustrated. Not the perfect first night home I expecting.
I would LOVE to say now 4 months later I have things down pact and our life is smooth sailing. But that would be a complete lie. Things are still hard, I am learning new things everyday about my sweet son. He's the sweetest little guy in the world. He loves when I sing "Jesus loves the little children" But I replace "children" with his name. That song is the ONLY thing that calms him down if he's crying. He starts smiling and cooing when I sing it to him. I've tried other songs but that one is the only one that seems to calm him down.
Motherhood is simply humbling and it forces you to be selfless. It can be SO unbelievably challenging at times. I want to be so selfish, get things done around the house, spend time with my husband, watch a movie, go shopping without him crying but in reality that is just not the case. My day consists of feeding him every 2-3 hours, cleaning up spit up, calming a sleepy, hungry or frustrated baby, changing diapers, playing with a happy baby or holding a sweet wiggly baby. And I wouldn't change it for a minute.
He makes me a better person. He makes me put someones needs above my own selfish ways. His adorable little personality and beautiful heart makes my soul overwhelmed with love.
His little smile melts my heart. His big blue eyes looking at me makes my life worth while. Motherhood is SO hard but so rewarding! I am so blessed God chose me to be my sons mother. To think he could have picked any woman in the world. But he put my sons little soul inside my body and allowed me to be his home of 9 months and mother for life. With God's help and guidance I am striving to be the best mommy I can for him. I will always provide a home that is safe and loving. I will never be perfect and I will makes mistakes but I will ALWAYS try and never give up. And that is all any true mother can do!
